Love & War

And I can’t stay here with the lies you swore, and I can’t lay here between love and war.— Love and War, Jon Bryant

We live in such polarizing times.  I confess, my views on the world have changed.  I'm different then my 20-year-old self.

I can't explain why I've changed, because I don't fully know.  There have been specific points in my life that have been hard, and it may have aided me in changing my perspective.

I saw terrible things.  Terrible things happened to me.  These two reasons mark every inch of me, though I want to be completely undefined by these experiences.  But I can't say much more.

I am told that terrible things happen to everyone, and I'm sure that is true.  But our hardwiring and social support help us either overcome those terrible things, or the lack thereof allows us to succumb to them.

God granted me a wonderful family and husband.  In 13 years I have taken on rape, the death of a best friend, the lack of justice of that rape, working my way through college for myself and my husband, losing my job three times, giving birth to two children, raising two foster children, moving back to my hometown.  So much change, and if you know me, change is hard for me.

But in my inevitable change and--hopefully--growth, I see now what it means to be on the other side.  I see those who are sad and hurting.  I see those who are afraid.  I see those who are struggling with every day life.  Did they tell you that just getting up in the morning would be this hard?  They didn't.  When they told you not to grow up so fast, did they say why?   They didn't tell me.  The mundane troubles of life are the very things that paralyze me.  Being an adult is difficult.  It's a scarring trial, a battle of the wills.

I see now a nation so divided and angry, that it hurts.  It doesn't frighten me as much as it grieves me.  We give ourselves too many reasons to hate other people.